Once its gone
by KerrianneLupin
Summary: When Remus is taken violently ill the other Marauders, especially Sirius, realise how important he is to them but will it too late to tell him? - SBRL - Please Review - Chapter four is finally up
1. Moony

Once its gone

By KerrianneLupin

Chapter One

Moony

DISCLAIMER – **I wish I did but I don't**

AUTHOR NOTE – **I decided to post another story up so here it is, It will be done in first person view and this is Remus's his will be short due to the fact he'll be unconscious. Eventually a Sirius/Remus one**

SUMMARY – **When Remus is taken violently ill the other Marauders finally realised how important he is to them, but will they be able to tell him or not**

            I feel bloody awful, its far too hot in this room, my head is banging, my stomach churning. I can't even focus on the words on my parchment and this stupid quill suddenly feels the most heaviest thing in the world to me, there had to be something wrong with me, other then the full moon, that was 4 days ago and I came through it surprisingly well. This had to be something else.

            I had even been fine yesterday, the day had been nice and bright and the April rains had finally let up and we, as in me, Sirius Black, James Potter and Peter Pettigrew, all had taken advantage of it. Can you blame us? We're 14 and we had been copped up in Hogwarts school of witchcraft and wizardry for 2 weeks straight now. We had gone to Hagrid's, walked round the lake, even had a small game of Quidditch. It was a fairly good if tiring day. I went to bed earlier, had some great dreams where I was fighting a dragon and saving a pretty girl. Woke up and threw up. What a gorgeous way to greet another nice day. Throwing up all the content of your dinner from the previous night. It was definitely something I could have lived without. 

            I had gotten through the first lessons, Potions and Transfiguration, how I don't know considering how weak and achy I was feeling and now I was in Charms and the world around me was spinning in a way that was making me glad that I hadn't eaten all day, no doubt that would have been coming out to show the world what I had eaten.

            The other three haven't noticed anything's wrong yet and I don't particularly want to tell them, they'd only look at me in interest and worry and do that little trick they do when they talk about me like I'm not even there, hell I can be sitting next to them and they'd still do it. 

            I frowned, my hand gripping the table as the world gave a violent lurch. This definitely wasn't good. I had the feeling that if I wasn't there James and the other two wouldn't have even noticed. Perhaps its because I feel so crap that I'm thinking this, who knows. All I know is that the room is spinning far too fast and that I can't bloody concentrate. I don't want to concentrate. I just want to feel well. Anything would be better then this feeling, well almost anything.

            "Moony are you ok?" I can vaguely hear Wormtail's worried voice addressing me but he sounds so far away that it's easy to ignore him. Poor guy people are always doing that to him; it must be horrible to be as overlooked as him.

            "Remmie?" That was James that time; obviously Wormtail's question had alerted them to my state.

            "He doesn't look to well" Sirius whispered "What should we do for him" I resisted a sarcastic comment, there it was again, I'm sitting right next to the bastard and he's acting like I'm a million miles away.

            "Remus can you hear me?" James demanded briskly. No James I'm a million bloody miles away, what the hell kind of question was that. I didn't say that though, I never do. I am after all the nice respectable boy of the Marauders kind and pleasant and always there to listen. So I nodded my head at him keeping the movement to as little as I possibly could. Any sort of movement was a bad idea.

            "Can you talk?" Wormtail's voice piped up at this point, cutting off James before he could ask the next question. I could just see the look on James's face at that piece of cheek. Well I could have if my eyes were still open, they seemed to have closed at some point though I'm not quite sure when they did that. I shook my head slowly, Hell no I didn't want to open my mouth and run the risk of throwing up. There were some hushed whispers at that point then a cool long fingered hand touched my cheek. I moaned slightly the first sound I had made all day and moved into the hand as if it was a saviour. I know it was stupid but that cold, hand felt nice

            "He's burning up really badly Prongs" Sirius said, it had to be his hand because as he spoke it was removed, I frowned in disappointment, Sirius sounded almost worried

            "He should go to the infirmary" James said, he raised his voice "Professor Remus is really ill" Cheers Prongs mate now everyone was bound to be looking at me.

            "What's wrong with him?" I heard Lily Evans say, 

            "What does it look like?" Sirius snapped at her, Lily and him had never gotten alone well before "He's ill" I opened my mouth slightly

            "Paddy" I whispered, a second later I felt a strong arm round my waist

            "I'm here Remus, we all are you'll be fine" I heard the professor coming towards me, then the room lurched, the chair was gone and I was falling then I couldn't see or hear anything.

A/N – sorry its so short and all but there's only so much Remus can do before he collapses and this was it. I hope you enjoyed it, the others will be longer and as I said it is a S/R fic. Please review but no flames if you would

**NEXT CHAPTER – Up to you the reviewer. It's first person so take your pick – Sirius or James or would you like to know what Peter thinks or the outward view of Lily Evans, I know where it will begin but I need to know who its in so I can start it. Thanks.**


	2. Prongs

Once it's gone

By

KerrianneLupin

Chapter two

Prongs

DISCLAIMER – **Nope not mine**

AUTHOR NOTE – **Here's chapter two, I finished an essay today and this is my reward to myself, it just so happens that my reward to myself is a reward to you lot as well! Well as you can see it's James's chapter here, so enjoy it, I'll update as soon as I can! Not promising anything though I have so much to do uni work wise that I'm doomed for a while.**

PLEA – **Anyone fancy becoming my beta reader for this fic? If not then that's cool but if you are interested then let me know in a review or email, thank you!**

THANK YOU'S – Scroll to your names people if you reviewed the other chapter.

AffectedMangoO – _Well here you go, it wasn't Sirius but it was James like you wanted, Lily doesn't really bother me, to be trueful I don't really have an opinion on her at all, she'll probably get a chapter though I'm not sure. Glad you like the story so far._

Eizoku – **thanks for the critiscm I never mind those just flames that I hate. I'm glad you thought it was realistic I just thought how bad I normally feel and placed it in, that and every time you're ill you wish that you could be well so anyway glad you like it.**

Blanc S'est Leve – _I like the Marauder version of Peter as well, I always try and portray him realistically, I dislike the older version but I don't think he became a death eater till after he left school so I have no problem with him at school. He'll definitely have a chapter, perhaps next who knows. Glad you're liking the story._

LilaStar – **Sorry that you didn't get to see Sirius reaction but hopefully this chapter will make up for your disappointment, perhaps the next chapter will be him, who knows how people vote. Glad you're liking the story!**

Marstri – _Thanks a lot for your review, it was really helpful. Don't worry I get a general vote to see what interest people and if it fits in with the plot in my head then I will do it, of not then I have to follow my idea don't I! I'm glad it was credible and all, I do try. Hope you enjoy this chapter as much._

Gold Silk – **As you can see the chapter is James but perhaps there is something in there with Sirius? You'll have to go and read. Glad you like the story!**

            Oh holy shit. I watched with large eyes as I saw Remus's body collapse, he fell off the back of the chair and smashed into the stone floor hitting his head violently on the hard surface then he lay there, extremely pale, a sheet of sweat still covering his face, his eyes were closed and his breathing seemed laboured. A puddle of blood started to flow from the wound as well. I stood there for a second in horror. What the hell was wrong with Remus? How could we miss it? We were with him all day how could we not see it? 

            I looked up to see Professor Flitwick bending down to Remus, one tiny hand going to Remus's slim wrist. I spared a quick glance at both Peter and Sirius; they looked as horrified as I'm guessing I did. Peter had a hand covering his mouth and was shaking slightly blue eyes wide. Sirius had gone as white as Remus, his hands were clenched into fists and his navy blue eyes were focused on the blood. I stepped forward bringing myself out of my daze. This was our entire fault; if only we had noticed something then we could have taken him to the hospital wing he would be safe in bed not on the floor bleeding and in pain.

            "Professor" I was surprised myself at how weak my voice sounded, I coughed and tried again "What's wrong with him? What's wrong with Remmie? He'll be alright won't he?" I was pleading with him I knew that already, pleading that this mistake was nothing that Remus would sit up in a minute look around completely embarrassed and completely fine. I stared at him willing him to do that but he remained perfectly still as if he was sleeping.

            "Not now Potter" Professor Flitwick snapped at me, he stood up and held his wand out saying a spell. A stretcher appeared by them looking spotlessly white. "Help me get Mr Lupin onto this" he said, I jumped forward instantly anxious to do something. I noticed Peter do the same, with the same desperate expression on his face to do something. Sirius just stood there; he had never ceased looking at Remus with the same blank expression on his face. I ignored him, Remus was more important at this moment in time, there would be time later to deal with Sirius, and he was probably in shock or something. I placed my arm round Remus waist and pulled him up like that, his head flopped back as if he was unable to hold it himself. I closed my eyes for a second, Remus would hate this whole situation he was always very keen on keeping his dignity in tact, probably because of what he was being a Werewolf meant he did things once a month that he hated this way he always appeared in control. A second arm came round to help and I looked round to see Peter, he met my eyes for a second and I saw the same guilt that was plaguing me plaguing him as well. Between the two of us we got him on the stretcher, within second redness stained the previous whiteness. I bit my lip. Remus.

            "There you go Professor" I heard Peter say his voice barely more then a whisper and weak at that. How could someone as strong as Moony suddenly appear so weak?

            "Good excuse me, I'm trusting you to be sensible while I'm gone" he stated levitating the stretcher, he gave a stern look at me, Sirius and Peter to indicate who he meant but I'd rather jump off a cliff at that second then to do anything

            "Can't I go with him?" I said suddenly "So he knows he's not alone if he wakes up?" Professor Flitwick turned to me as he began walking and I saw pity in the warm brown eyes confronting me

            "I don't think Remus will be waking up tonight, perhaps you can check later though" I noticed he chose his words carefully before he hurried out, Remus with him. A silence echoed the room and I noticed Paul Abbot, a Hufflepuff get up out of his seat and go to the door closing it before giving me a sympathetic look as he sat back down with his friends. I suddenly felt faint myself so I sat back in my seat probably heavier then I meant to. The chair next to me was pulled out and Peter collapsed down, linking his hands together and staring straight ahead. I glanced at Sirius and frowned he was still in exactly the same position staring at the redness on the floor.

            "Sirius" I called out sharply, I saw his jump and look at me blindly, his eyes looked lifeless and he ran a shaky hand through his hair looking round the room at the people, some were talking between themselves, others, mainly the Gryffindors, were looking at each other worriedly all agreeing that Remus certainly hadn't looked good. "Sit down" I called to him, he nodded jerkily and slowly walked over to me. I pulled the chair out for him and watched him sit in it. A silence fell between us and I noticed through my haze that people were staring at us. Suddenly Peter spoke

            "I don't get it" he said, he didn't speak loudly but it seemed as if he did. Both Sirius and me turned and looked at him, he turned and faced us, wringing his hands together "How could we miss it?" he demanded "How could we not see that there was something wrong with Moony? Surely we should have seen something" I ran a hand through my hair as I spoke

            "We should of" I confirmed then gave a bitter laugh, "Now I think about he did seem bad today, he didn't eat at breakfast he seemed strange I mean Remus not eating breakfast? He's the one who always goes on about the importance on eating three meals a day, even at the time he tries at eats but this morning," Peter nodded

            "He couldn't decide if he was hot or cold, I noticed he kept on going to take his jumper off then stopping for a while before going to do it again"

            "And in lessons" I continued getting in the flow of the conversation "He kept making stupid mistakes, I remember thinking why would he get that wrong? How could he misspell that word" I bit my lip "I mean its Remus he doesn't make simple mistakes like that that and he's never ill except that the time, Moony doesn't get ill the rest of us do but he doesn't even get a headache normally"

            "I just keep seeing him" Peter said with a shudder "When he looked like that before he collapsed, his eyes looked so ill, he looked like he was going to die or something" I went to speak when Sirius came to life

            "SHUT UP" he roared at us, I stared at him wide eyed as did the rest of the room which had suddenly gone quiet, Sirius looked wild, his cheeks flushed scarlet, his eyes sparkling "Stop talking about Remus like that, he's not going to die" he gave a hard look at Peter who met it for a second before looking away with an ashamed look on his face "He'll be fine because he's Moony and because" he voice quietened and he looked away "Because he has to be" I nodded and placed a hand on the tense arm

            "He will be because as you say he has to" I looked at the table "What would we do without Moony?" the other two didn't answer me and I didn't want them to. There was no answer, without Moony there was no us. Why didn't I realise that before?

A/N – There you go, Poor Remus and poor James and Sirius and Peter, it must be horrible. Remus never gets ill except at the full moon so this is a huge shock for them, the blood doesn't help either. Anyway please review but no flames if you would!

**NEXT CHAPTER – Suggestions are always welcome and I do honestly consider them and often use them. I know a lot of you wanted Sirius for this chapter but I decided James was the better option. So let me know!**


	3. Wormtail

Once it's gone

By KerrianneLupin

Chapter Three

Wormtail

DISCLAIMER – **Naw however much I keep wishing it the paperwork to own these great characters doesn't end up in my lap to sign**

AUTHOR NOTE – **I am so sorry about the wait, There were several complications to this story, mainly the fact I lost the disk the chapter was on and that my Beta reader never got back to me with it so I've decided to just post it up, especially as chapter four is already written. So apologies and I hope you like it!**

THANK YOU'S 

Quacien – _Remmie get better? You'll have to see really won't you!_

KatFay – **No I decided to leave Sirius for one more chapter, bless his cotton socks, if you cant guess why he froze then you'll find the answers in the next chapter, which I promise will be up quicker.**

Janie Lupin – _Hey glad you like the story, if your offer about being the Beta reader is still open then would you mind? If not that's cool._

Queen-seta/Remmie-The-Insane – **Thanks so much for telling me that I wasn't accepting all types of review because I had no idea, anyway hope you like this chapter.**

Baby chaos13 – _You'll have to see what happens but there will be several fluffy scenes for you to love._

Crystal Black – **You'll have to be slightly more patient till you get too Sirius but it will be worth it**

Sunstreake – _I don't think I'm capable of killing Remus, oh well glad you're enjoying it and hope you like the next chapter_

Penguin – **Thanks for the compliment, I'm glad you like my style of writing; anyhow sorry it took so long to update but better late then never right!**

Write more – _Yep I got your hint all right, here's the next chapter for you._

StarlessNight18 – **Must he? Only joking, hope you enjoy the chapter**

Tara – _Sorry I didn't mean to make you all wait so long, forgive me ok! The next chapter will be up so much quicker_

Hp-Azn – **Well you'll find out now what happens, sorry it took so long to update, I'll do better next time.**

Amaya – _Yeah…. That would be what he was thinking if my Sirius in my brain is correct. Hope you like this chapter_

Artificial Innocence – **There, there everything will be ok! Hope you like the chapter**

I'm not sure how the hell we managed to get through the rest of charms, Professor Flitwick came back and after a glance at us he carried on teaching the lesson leaving the three of us be. I'm glad he did though I doubt any of us would have even been listening let alone able to answer a question. Lunch came after that and we all ate lightly, well James force fed Sirius and pretty much blackmailed him by reminding Padfoot how worse it would make Moony feel if Sirius was ill, I never saw a boy eat a bigger lunch after that looking as if he hated every minute of it, the same thing happened at dinner and I doubt any of us slept well that night since we weren't allowed to see Remus that night.

We were in History of magic now and instead of falling into the peaceful slumber I usually did I actually found myself taking the odd note of two. I mean Moony would be desperate for notes when he gets out, he's always saying how he has to keep ahead because of the three days he often misses due to the full moon, if we didn't get him anything then he'd probably give us that reproachful look he does so well, the one that makes you squirm and makes you feel about an inch tall or so.

I sighed and rubbed my eyes quickly turning round and looking at the other two who was on a table next to me, mine was empty since I normally shared with Remus, it felt weird not having him scribbling notes beside me. I think James must have had the same idea as me because he was scribbling down everything Professor Binns said as if his life depended on it, that was strange as well for the first time in 4 years James Potter was actually taking notes down, every now and then I saw him glance to the side of him at Sirius.

Now that was a problem that we didn't need, I know it was disturbing to see Moony like that and to see him collapse and remain so still but Sirius has taken it really badly, as if Moony was dead or something instead of ill. He just sat there staring ahead, an empty bit of parchment in front of him with the quill that Remus had lent him the morning before, sitting there, he was staring blankly at it remaining silent, in fact I don't think he's spoken a single word since his out break in Charms.

I glanced out of the window and frowned, it was a gorgeous day the kind of day that Remus would really have liked, he's a nature freak is Remus, always outside if he can get out. Probably happily go into a snowstorm if we didn't stop him. I bit my lip I hoped Madam Promfrey placed him in his favourite bed, the one on the right side when you walk into the room by the window so he can look out, he's always liked looking out as he recovered, pointing out to us on several occasions that just because he's been stopped this one time doesn't necessarily mean the world around us stopped. That's why I think that Remus would be mad if we all began acting like Sirius.

The bell rang at that moment signifying the end of lessons until after lunch; Professor Binns told us the homework and then drifted away his class forgotten already. The rest of the class left talking quietly shooting us glances as they did. I ignored them as I quickly packed up noticing James doing the same thing, for once we were probably on the same wavelength. The quicker we pack the quicker we can see Moony. I turned round and bit back an annoyed groan, From the look of it Sirius hadn't even heard the bell go he was just staring at the quill still, I resisted the urge to go and shout at him instead biting the inside of my mouth. The boy was so incredibly selfish at times.

I saw James stand up and look at him with a sigh; he went to go over there when someone intercepted him. He looked up in surprise to see Lily Evans standing in front of him, a nervous look on her face

"Hi James" she said quietly "Are you ok?" normally James would have come back with some witty remark but I don't think he could be bothered to try today, instead he just shrugged his shoulders

"I've been better" he remarked honestly shifting his bag up his shoulder, she nodded a sympathetic look on her face

"Can you give these to Remus for me please" she said quickly holding out something to James, James looked down with a frown and I noticed for the first time that Sirius was watching the scene as well with the first look of interest he had shown all day, he began packing slowly away till all that was left was the Quill

"What's this?" James asked turning to her with a frown

"It's nothing major" she assured him "It's um notes for Charms, Transfiguration, potions, Herbology and this subject from yesterday and today. I know how much Remmie hates to be behind in anything and that" she pointed at an envelope "Is a get well card to him from me and that's some chocolate frogs for you know when he gets better" James raised an eyebrow and I saw her go slightly red

"Why would you go through all this trouble?" he asked, Lily shrugged meeting the steady hazel eyes confronting her

"Because Remus is my friend as well and I want him to know I'm thinking of him" James watched her for a second then opened his bag placing the stuff in it

"I'll make sure he gets it" he remarked, "He'll be really grateful about it all" Lily smiled and left the room quickly. I stepped forward and spoke

"Why don't we go?" I suggested without Remus being here to be the voice of reason I guess the job fell to me "If Moony's awake then he's probably bored out of his mind and desperate for chocolate, we'll deliver Lily's frogs to him" James nodded and flashed me a grateful look though I'm not sure why. Grateful that I hadn't fallen apart like Sirius? Grateful that I was being sensible? It didn't even matter really. James went up to Sirius pulling him to his feet and picking up the Quill handing it to him

"Let's go Paddy" he remarked slightly Sirius nodded and began walking with James by his side I was just behind them. I couldn't believe Sirius sometimes. Moony is the one who is ill and suffering, anyone could tell that even before he collapsed and yet Sirius is acting like he's the invalid getting attention and everything, the attention that should be going to Remus, it drives me crazy.

It didn't take long to get there since we were all walking a pace that barely escaped running. James opened the door and looked around hesitantly before nodded his head at us

"She's not here" he whispered meaning Madam Promfrey who would be likely to throw us out if she saw us, we all hurried in and glanced around, James closing the door behind us. The room was bare and white except the bed on the right-handed side of the room by the window that had the white curtain around it. I smiled slightly at that. She had remembered. Sirius was the first to walk over there followed by the two of us. He glanced at us and opened the curtain.

Lying in front us propped up on pillows was Remus, he could almost of been sleeping quietly really, his mouth was relaxed in the right way. It was the other aspect that made it impossible. His skin which was normally healthy and tanned, was pure white with tinges of grey except at the cheeks, there it was scarlet. His hair, which was always neat, was a mess of tangles making it appear wilder then James's did. He was sweating even though it was pleasantly cool in the room and although his eyes were closed the pupils were moving rapidly beneath the lids. I blinked a few times trying to convince myself that this boy who was having trouble breathing wasn't the strong active Remus we knew. It couldn't be the same boy who only 2 days ago turned round and challenged us all to a race preceding to beat us all at the same time. James took a sharp intake of breath beside me but for once I ignored James, only Remmie was important at this one second.

Sirius stepped forward to the left side of the bed and looked down at Remus a very strange expression on his face, he reached out a hand just like he had done in charms and touched the red stained cheek. I'm not sure if Remus was asleep or he just wasn't aware of us but when Sirius touched his cheek he moved into it immediately. I guess if you have a fever like Remus obviously did even a cool hand felt good. Remus gave a sigh of relief as well then frowned. He was awake now.

"Moony" Sirius whispered kneeling by the bedside, he took his hand away from his cheek and instead placed it over Remus's hand before turning it in such a way that the pair of them was holding hands, with his other hand he leaned across and pushed back the sweaty fringe from Remus's face. I shifted uncomfortably. I know we were all friends and all but at that moment I couldn't help but think I had interrupted something though I'm not sure exactly what. Sirius spoke again using the same gentle voice he had before "I'm here Moony and I'm not going to leave you" Remus seemed to show some reaction to Sirius voice because he opened his eyes and looked into Sirius's face, for a split second we all saw there was no recognition in his face before it softened and Remus squeezed the hand back that was in his.

"Paddy" he said, his voice sounded harsh, horrible in fact when you consider the fact that he normally had a very pleasant sounding voice with a slight Irish lilt to it, he broke out into a coughing fit after that and it took a few seconds before he was leaning back into the pillow looking as exhausted as he had done when we had first walked in. Sirius began stroking the hand he was holding in a reassuring fashion

"It's ok Moony its ok," he kept on repeating. I started as James moved from my side up to the other side of the bed; if I was being honest then I could admit that I had forgotten he was there. James glanced down at the figure for a while with one of those looks that you have no idea what they mean and then kneeling down he picked up his other hand and waited, Remus turned his head and focused on James and the two of them watched each other before James spoke. His voice as cheerful as ever but quieter a more gentle tone to it

"I'm here as well Remmie" he remarked "And I come bearing gifts for you" even I could see the slight amount of interest that appeared in the amber eyes, strangely enough that made me feel better, made him more like Remus in a way that the mention of gifts could draw a reaction from him "Lily's made you a card want me to open it for you?" Remus stared at him, slowly raised an eyebrow in a look that was purely Remus then nodded very slowly as if any other movement would hurt. James ripped the envelope open and then placed the brightly coloured card in Remus's sight line; Remus smiled ever so slightly at it but said nothing. I stepped forward feeling a slight bit left out, Remus was my friend as well and it was my duty as much as James and Sirius to try and make him feel better any way I could

"She got you other stuff as well Remmie" I remarked making my voice as cheerful as I could "Chocolate frogs and all, loads of people are asking about you as well you popular sod" Remus turned to me and although he didn't smile with his lips his eyes did, he recognised me and James so why didn't he recognise Sirius at first, was it because the longer he was awake the better he was?

"Wouldn't be surprised if you had loads of people coming to visit you" James added shooting me another grateful look

"We'll be here all the time though," I said feeding off James comment "After all it's just not the same without you"

"Who will give us notes?" Sirius remarked suddenly a slight smile coming to his face

"Speaking of notes we've made you loads, me and Pete even stayed awake in Binns lesson for you so you should feel privileged you know, James Potter doesn't do work for just anyone" James grinned at him, the same Potter grin that had everyone smiling back at him, it worked this time as well as that slight smile, the one that was almost not there came across Remus's face

"And if our notes are crap" I said "Then Lily has made you ones from every lesson so far so you'll be saved and all, can't have you failing exams on our account after all" looking back I think it was clear that me and James were babbling trying desperately to get some reaction from Remus and we did, faint smiles still came to his face but speaking was beyond him it seemed. It didn't matter though, not really. We were telling him about the lessons he had missed, missing out the work part and telling him just what had happened to the Slytherins through methods un known when a female voice spoke, a very pissed off female voice

"What are the three of you doing here?" I stood up in a second and turned to look at the kind face of Madame Promfrey that was set in a frown. We were in for it now.

**A/N – as I said before I am so sorry that it took so long to update but hopefully it was worth it, I'll update in a weeks time or perhaps sooner even. Please review but no flames if you will.**

**Next Chapter – Normally I give you a choice but chapter four is already written and its Sirius so hopefully you'll all enjoy that!**


	4. Padfoot

Once it's gone 

By KerrianneLupin

Chapter Four

Padfoot

**DISCLAIMER – **_None of the characters belong to me_

**AUTHOR NOTE – **_Ok huge apology to everyone, I've been meaning to update for months but every time I read Sirius's chapter, I felt unhappy with it and felt the need to redo it. Hopefully this one will be enough to satisfy you, the one important thing to remember is Sirius isn't aware of his feelings fully yet which is why he's confused and his reactions are confusing it's because he doesn't know how to react to what's happening. _

_ Anyway hope you enjoy it, this time the chapter will be up sooner, I promise._

**THANK YOU'S – **

****

**Kaori7395 – **_Glad you thought the chapter was sweet, and here's the update only a few months late._

_Queen Seta/Remmie the insane – _**Glad you liked the story and he's the update, I do like when people get excited over updates.**

**Eizoku**** – **_I know it's bizarre but for some reason I can write a nice Peter simply because I think he was fine at school, it was only when he was away from all the protection of his friends and Hogwarts that he turned evil, anyway glad you liked it._

_Tanya J Potter _**– Hopefully the way Sirius talks about his feelings will be enough to satisfy you, I hope so anyway.**

**Anon – **_Oh yes the seeds for what he becomes are planted but he's refusing to look upon them yet, I'm glad you like Remus though, the whole world should like Remus because he's great!_

_Liv__ – _**Thanks for all the compliments they certainly make me smile I think the secret is that I love this characters a lot and so I'm interested in them. Anyway hope you like this chapter and short? Are they really?**

**Marstri**** – **_Stupid commas, they are the very bane of my existence. Glad you liked the way I did Peter, he's actually been the easiest one to portray on this fic, it was this chapter which caused me the problems and I don't even think I got it right oh well better than nothing._

_Mariana 1 – _**Yeah my poor Remus you just want to gather him up and hug him so tightly. Glad you liked Peter, it's amazing how many people were impressed with him, a shocking thing to say considering it's Peter **

**LilaStar**** – **_A happy dance for my story? I feel honoured I love happy dances._

_Sina__ – _**You'll have to wait till you find out what's wrong with Remus but it turned out that I did need longer than a week, I needed 6 months… Sorry.**

**AffectedMangoO**** – **_No not at school, Remus had their trust at school but I'm also not one of these people who believe that he was evil at school and did nothing. He was a Marauder after all and there has to be a reason for that. Glad you liked the way I did him though _

_Amber eyed wolf – _**Never fear, Siri's here**

**Tsuki**** no lomelinde – **_Glad you liked the story so much; hopefully you'll like this chapter just as much._

_AKANinaBlack__ – _**Glad you liked it and don't worry I have every intention of keeping it up.**

**Write more – **_Well I finally did write more _

_Titou.moony__ – _**Well the rest isn't written but I know what's happening in the next chapter if that's any conciliation.**

**Chichix**** – **_I have to be honest and say that your reviews terrify me but in a good way. Hopefully you'll like this one and if not then I'll just have to try better in the next chapter._

_Verg__ Lupin – _**If you knew how much I love Lupin then you wouldn't be asking that question, anyway I'm glad you liked the story.**

**Dadaiiro**** – **_Well if you find out why then maybe you could tell Sirius because he's a very confused boy I'm glad you find the story interesting anyway. Everything will be revealed in time._

_Xandria__ Nirvana – _**Here it is, just like you wanted **

**Noname**** – **_I'm afraid you'll have to wait and see what happens to Remmie but here's the next chapter like you wanted._

_Romulas901 – _**You should feel very pleased with yourself because you kick started me into writing this, I had no idea it had been so long till you mentioned it so thanks. Glad you like the story**

Sirius's Point of view.

"Bloody hell, who the hell would have thought that someone with a build like Madame Promphey could move as quick as that, she must have been a runner or something when she was younger" I turned from the closed door of the infirmary, which had just firmly been slammed in my face, to see James staring at it as well with a half awed, half amazed look on his face. A glance at Peter saw him looking extremely pissed off though ever it was at me or Madame Promphey I wasn't exactly sure.

Ok what exactly could I say to them? I just don't react that well under pressure, I know I should and on occasions I have done, especially when it comes to lying under pressure, I can have a story explaining everything in two seconds, but what's more impressive is the fact that it's believable as well. I have a flaw though and that's my friends. If anything happens to them then I fall to pieces, they don't know I do because I'm a very good actor and I hide behind my jokes but yesterday…

I looked up to see Peter looking at me with a scornful look while James was giving me a look that was blatantly trying not to look worried. I could tell they both thought I was being selfish and I suppose in a way I was, after all they were both worried enough about Remus without feeling like they had to take care of me as well. After all I'm Sirius Black; I don't need anyone to take of me, I do a good enough job of that myself.

"Let's go to the common room, there's no point waiting here I guess she won't let us in today, we'll just have to sneak in later when she feels more at ease." I said my voice sounding more confident then it had done for the past two days, not because I was feeling any better, I still felt like shit but I had a reputation that was at stake and it would take a hell of a lot to make me forget that.

I saw James's expression drop into a look of relief and Peter's scornful look disappearing into that blank one he's been using a lot, either way I had seen his former look and I wasn't about to forget it in a hurry and I was pretty sure by the time I was through with him, that he wouldn't either.

I joined into the conversation on the way to the common room though I couldn't tell you what it was about; the only thing I could think about was Remus. The way he had looked when he had collapsed. It was so strange and so fucking freakish. He had looked like a helpless child and trust me, the one thing you learn about Remus is the fact that he is not helpless and he is older than he should be, there's nothing child like about him except for the occasional outbreak, snow can make him childlike and sometimes Lily can but I can't and that pisses me off, why should Lily be able to make him have a reaction and I can't. I'm more of his friend then she is after all.

I shook my head, then there had been the blood of course, I had seen Remus bleed on several occasions before so it's not as if it's the first time I had, the difference was that the other times has been after his transformations, this had been in lesson in full day light and he had just collapsed like a puppet, all I could do was stare at him. It felt as if it wasn't even Remus on the floor, it couldn't be my Remus on the floor, he was far too strong to look like he did, but it was him and he really did look like he was dying and for the first time I actually realised that Remus could die and that terrified me more than anything had done before.

I know it's weird but there's a part of me which thought that apart from his obvious problem, there was nothing that Remus could do wrong, he was the good one out of us, the conscience of the group if you want to put it another way. He liked having fun as much as the rest of us did but the difference was he knew when to stop, he knew when we had gone too far and he always let us know when we had as well; not in public but in private and you know what? It always works. I can't stand the thought of Remus being annoyed with me and normally I would do anything to stop him being like that. Even if it meant giving up my fun.

I suppose that's why it hurt so much when he didn't recognise me, when I saw the look in his eyes, a look that said that all the memories we shared meant nothing to him, that moment made my heart break. I never wanted to see that look in his eyes again, at least not directed at me.

Now I was alone again and Remus was stuck in the hospital wing alone, he shouldn't be alone he's been alone to often in his life, right now he needed his friends around him and I needed to be around him, just to double check within my own mind that he was alright, that he did know who I was, that I did mean as much to him as he did to me.

James may have been my best friend but Remus was my secret keeper, I told him things that I hadn't told anyone before but then again he made it so easy because he always looked as if he cared and he repaid the favour by telling me things which I knew the others didn't know. It made me feel special I guess, I was meant to be around Remus and Remus was meant to be around me. It's just the way it is.

"How is he then? Is he any better? Did the nurse say anything about what's wrong with him?" I blinked at the person who had spoken loudly enough to drag me out of my thoughts and into the present before frowning. Of course it had to be Lily Evans. I never minded her before but a while ago Remus told me that he had a soft spot for her and since then I hated her, I don't know why but I know I do. She's so annoying, so bloody perfect and she probably thinks she perfect for Remus, but I know Remus better than her and I know for a fact that she wouldn't be good enough for him, not many people would.

"The same" James remarked, we walked over to our usual seat and I watched with disinterest as some first years dived out of the seats leaving them open to us, normally I would have made a comment but somehow it didn't seem worth it if Remus wasn't there to give me the usual amused smile he gave me when I commented on it. Lily followed us and sat down

"Did you give him my card?" she asked looking uncomfortable, she obviously felt nervous without Remus being there, a smile came over my face. Good let her feel bad

"He didn't say anything about it," I spoke up feeling spiteful "I guess he didn't want to be rude about it, you know what Remus is like, if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all" I saw James and Peter look at me with shock but I didn't care. The only thing I cared about right now was in the hospital wing and some know it all bitch had dragged me away from him. I knew I shouldn't be so angry about it but I couldn't help it, I just wanted Remus to be seated opposite me, not bloody Lily Evans.

"That's not true," Peter quickly said trying to make up for my comment "He looked really pleased with it Lily he just…" he trailed off and I closed my eyes sharply as I saw a vision of Remus on the bed looking like death warmed up, I felt my hands make their way into fist as I began shaking slightly. Remus needed me and I was stuck here, it wasn't right.

"Peter's right," I heard James say "Remus wasn't really able to say much at all" I opened my eyes to see Lily giving me a confused look that was mingled in with a knowing look. For an instant I froze beneath it then I sneered at her, opening my mouth to say something when the bell went.

"Give him my best" Lily said, turning her gaze to James and Peter who nodded

"We will do" James replied rising to his feet as well, she nodded and glanced once more at me with that annoying look then walked away

"Good riddance" I said loudly, loudly enough for her to hear me. Just who the hell did she think she was?

"You know what Sirius," James said turning to me and looking angry "You should bloody stay here and stop acting like a fucking wanker. I don't think you should come to lessons, you'll only cause problems" I looked at him and saw the anger drain out of him making him look tired.

"Your right," I said, "You go and I'll stay here, I didn't sleep last night so I'm tired, probably why I'm being such a tosser today" I lied, Peter smiled at me

"We'll get you notes and make your excuses" he said getting to his feet, he glanced at James who nodded at him and the two of them turned and left the common room. I looked around me before getting to my feet and dragging myself to my room. Once in there and once the door was closed behind I glanced around before grabbing the nearest thing and throwing it, the fact that it was a chair and that one of the legs broke off didn't bother me. I sank to the floor by the door and stared ahead. This couldn't be happening, Remus couldn't be ill, he had to get better, and he just had to because there was still so much I wanted to tell him. The only thing I knew was that if Remus wasn't in my life then my life simply would not be worth living.

**A/N – There you go, I think it slightly different from the other chapters but hopefully you like it, as I said before I've had a great deal of trouble getting Sirius to open up to me but I hope I did a good enough job. Poor thing he isn't half confused.**

** Anyway please review but not flames and I promise I'll update sooner this time. Thanks xxx**


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